Beauty in Goodbye
by KaydenceRei
Summary: The reason two weeks became three years! “That sub ain't comin' back for six months, Juliet..” he told her carefully. “I know you didn't just 'sleep in'.”


**Author's Note**: Uhh.. just another of those random thoughts I had. I have no idea. I got a quote in my head.. and a whole story came to mine surrounding it.

I'll throw this one out there for **Mad Steph**. Three cheers for our insane review reply ramblings! May they never end!

**Beauty in Good-bye**:

"_Am I crazy? _

_I feel lost in time.._

_But you confuse me.._

_Have I lost my mind?"_

Sawyer stood quietly, watching the blonde pushing a tool cart around the motor pool. First she demanded that he _not_ tell Horace she was a doctor. She had clarified her statement by telling him that if he did that, she would be on that sub in the morning and there would be no two weeks.

But two weeks passed, it came and went this morning. He had asked her once, only once more, to stay here and not leave. Unfortunately, she'd said nothing in response. She hadn't even spoken to him in two days since he asked her.

Still, he had patiently waited at the docks, so that he could at least say good-bye to her, but she had never shown up. When he checked the motor pool, they stated she hadn't been there either.

So this morning he opened the door to the house that Amy allowed her to stay in with her. He knew already that Amy was working, so he had nothing to worry about with simply walking in. And there she was, walking down the hall and stifling a yawn with her hand. "What the hell ya' doin', Juliet?" he questioned out of confusion.

Juliet raised an eyebrow up at him but she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I slept in," she stated casually.

And that was all she said to him. Nothing more, and nothing less so far that day. He couldn't understand it at all, as he watched someone crack a joke and he saw her grin for the first time in weeks. And it wasn't until she turned to look at him that he understood. At least vaguely..

He could see that she was staying for the long run. But he couldn't understand why. And he watched as she headed towards him now.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" she questioned quietly.

Sawyer frowned. "That sub ain't comin' back for six months, Juliet.." he told her carefully. "I know you didn't just 'sleep in'."

Juliet tilted her head to the side slightly. "You really don't understand.." she said with a huff and a sigh. "You were right, James.." she stated calmly. "For a while I couldn't see what I was missing, I was living with thoughts of home.." she admitted. "But.. I think.."

Sawyer watched the way her face lurked with a gentle sadness. Reading her was like trying to read the dictionary. There were so many things that she defined, that he just couldn't understand.

"I think there's beauty in good-bye, James.." she told him. "Good-bye to the real world.. because there isn't anything in the 1974 real world left for me.. and we're here for good."

Sawyer's eyes softened slightly in response to her statement.

"It's lonely.. when all you do is think about home, and there's all these wonderful people here, giving us a home that's.. perfect."

Sawyer couldn't help but smile now.

"Nobody wins when you live like that, dreaming of something that will never happen.." Juliet stated.

"What made you come to that conclusion?" he questioned, suddenly curious as to where it was all coming from.

Juliet smiled faintly. "I looked in your eyes, James.." she told him carefully. "And I saw myself.. and I.."

Sawyer frowned. She was back to being confusing and cryptic again. It drove him absolutely crazy when she got to ranting about things he didn't understand.

"I didn't like the me I saw.." she admitted.

Sawyer opened his mouth to speak, but the words got lost.

"Time's a bitch.." she told him. "And we're lost in it."

Sawyer chuckled now.

Juliet smiled in response. And although she promised herself that she wouldn't voice her opinion to him, she did so anyways. "They aren't coming back.." she told him so suddenly it left a moment of silence between them.

Sawyer narrowed his eyes as a result. "What do you mean they ain't comin' back?" he questioned out of anger.

Juliet glanced around. He'd growled it out slightly loud and she placed her hand comfortingly on his arm in response. Blue eyes softened and she knew she hit a nerve, because he was still feeling something for Kate. "James.. these last few weeks we've just been holding on with some hope that we'll find them all out there somewhere.." she told him, careful of the words she picked now that people were watching and listening.

Sawyer watched as her eyes wandered to look at everyone now listening.

"They aren't out there.." she told him. "They aren't coming back.."

Sawyer closed his eyes and sighed. The woman drove him cuckoo for cocoa puffs, there was no doubt about that. But he looked in her eyes, and he knew what she meant about seeing herself. He saw himself in her eyes too. "That don't mean we gotta give up hope."

Juliet's smile quirked at the edges of her lips and she couldn't help the way they curled up in reaction. He was like a big child, filled to the brim of his sippy cup with an endless amount of hope. "I wish I could do that.." she told him, her voice filled with envy.

"Do what?" he asked, despite the anger he had for her trying to tell him what she felt. He couldn't believe they wouldn't come back, that _she_ wouldn't come back.

Juliet looked away now. "I wish I could see what you see," she told him quietly. "I want to see the good in people too," she admitted with a sigh. "I want to believe they'll be out there one day.. looking for us as we look for them.."

Sawyer frowned, moving a strand of hair back behind her ear that fell into her eyes. "Then do it," he told her. "Just believe."

Juliet smiled sadly. "You make it all sound so easy.." she said carefully.

"It is easy," he pointed out.

Juliet shook her head. Perhaps it was easy for him. But her faith in people was broken, and she was afraid it was... irreparable. She opened her mouth, about to say something to break his spirit down, but she thought better of it and snapped her mouth shut quickly.

Sawyer eyed her with certain bafflement. He didn't say a word about the fact her hand was still on his arm. And he didn't say anything about their close proximity as they talked this out.

"Faith is.. faith is something I ran out of, James.." she stated with sigh.

Sawyer couldn't help the frown the pursed his lips at that moment.

Juliet turned her head and dropped her hand from his arm, taking a step back. "I don't know what to believe anymore, or where I'm going from here," she said quietly. "But.. I only know that getting on that sub, is not the answer.."

Sawyer watched as she turned to walk away, and he quickly shot his hand out grabbing her hand. "What about Jack?" he questioned. She had faith in Jack, that much he knew.

Juliet's eyes softened at his attempt, but she was afraid it would have to be short-lived. "If.." she started, her breath hitching. She took a deep breath and let it out. "If Jack came back here.." she said in response.

Sawyer watched as she seemed to have a fight within herself on her thoughts of Jack returning. And finally he saw only sorrow win out.

"It wouldn't be because he came back for me.." she admitted with finality.

Sawyer looked shocked at the statement.

Juliet sighed, shaking her head. "He would come back for Kate.. but I'm not Kate. So he has no reason to come back.. she's out there with him."

Sawyer let go of her hand in surprise. She honestly held such little regard for herself when it came to other people? "But you.. and he.."

Juliet allowed the sorrowful smile to grace her lips once more. "Think of mine and Jack's relationship like this James.." she told him. "Jack's a horny highschool boy.. and Kate's the girl he really wants," she told him. "I was the toy he could use to get her to come take a closer look at him.."

Sawyer looked at her in absolute horror. How could she think so low of herself? And if she thought that was the truth, why in the world would she allow him to use her like that? He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh of disbelief. "Why?" he questioned.

"Why what?" she responded with simplicity.

"Why in hell would you let him use you like that?" he questioned, unable to help himself with the question. He regretted it when he saw something of disgust cross her features.

Juliet looked down, find interest in her feet. She didn't know why.. why she was allowing herself to be so honest with him. But she was, and it was already too late to stop now. "Because.." she thought carefully about what she said next. "In some way.. it felt.."

Sawyer watched the different emotions cross her face.

"He was the only person to ever make me feel somewhat safe.." she admitted, not finishing the previous statement of how he made her feel. "I didn't want to lose that.."

Sawyer felt horrible now. Horrible for the way he pushed her to keep going, horrible for making her stay.. and horrible for the way she'd been treated when she was with them. "You're safe with me," he told her, choosing his words carefully now.

Juliet's smile was real in response to his words now. She locked eyes with him again, and although he words he spoke hit something deep inside her, she couldn't really explain what it was just yet. "And that.. James," she said quietly. "That's why I slept in today."

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up.

Juliet tapped him lightly across the face in a playful manner. "I feel like you just disarmed me," she stated carefully. "I thought I was strong, but I pretty much just surrendered and told you everything," she stated. "And you know why people do that, James?"

Sawyer shook his head.

"They do it because they feel safe.." she explained to him. "And I do feel safe with you.. so.. thank you."

Sawyer frowned in confusion.

Juliet simply smiled. "And to answer the original question with a little more honesty..." she stated. "I stayed because you asked. And because.. you've restored a little of my faith in humanity."

Sawyer felt the burn of her lips on his cheek, and all he could do was stare as she walked away. And maybe, just maybe.. she'd restored a little of his faith in humanity as well. She just didn't know he'd ever lost it to begin with.

**()()END()()**

**Honestly. I just wrote what came to my mind. And originally, this started as a Sawyer story.. but. I have no idea. It turned into something more, let's just put it that way!**


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